Facing myself

I sometime don't like talking to people. No, not in the normal nice social sense, but in the "I have something hard to ask you or tell you" sense. I have never been very good at it. I have an idea as to why I am this way, but I wish I weren't this way. I can't say anything hard to anyone. I have managed it a couple times this year, but only to one person and after they pinned me down and let me cry for an hour until I finally spit it out. These things are really bothering me and I will feel better if I talk about them, but I am afraid to. What if things don't go as well as I would hope? What if the conversation changes things between us? So I just hold it all in.

I recently had an idea that may help with this. I am going to write a letter to everyone in my life that I have something hard to say to. There will be a bunch of letters. Ironically, the longest letters will be to the people in my life that I am closest to. I probably won't get around to this till around christmas, but if you are close to me, be on the lookout for a letter of complete honesty. And if these letters change things, well, I can only hope for the better.

And I may write some completely positive ones too.